With women quickly vanishing from the face of the Earth, thank the Lord that humanity was smart enough to band together into deranged tank-driving hordes! That'll solve the problem! I can remember whipping around the pixelated corners of "skyscrapers" (more like small-town tenaments) firing rockets at my evil, hoe-stealing enemies. I also remember being a huge fan of the fastest "tank", which resembled a post-Armaggedon era Beetle:
All my friends would pick those big bulky Abrams and I'd be laughing my butt off, blasting them with machine gun fire. Now that I'm old, wise and have a lot of thinking time on my brain, all I can think about is: When do I get to play some more Capture the Booty?! I mean, the premise of this game is: kick the crap out of all the other dudes so you can grab some booty! Considering how poor I'd fair at such a scenario in real life, I'm happy that there are virtual options open to me. Ya, things in the BattleTanx universe don't sound so good for women, but what can you do!? A woman-only virus has killed off 99.99% of the female population! That brings me to my next conundrum, why are these guys getting so organized if it's all to get a single woman. Yikes.
In the Storyline part of the game, you're playing a married man, who recruits an army of fellow tank drivers in his quest to get his Woman back (wooooman). Here's what I wanna know: How the hell did he convince these other tank drivers to help?? Assuming he's a moral sort of stand-up tank driver, Our Hero would only be able to say something along the lines of:
"Help me get my woman back and I'll allow you to help raise my children! You might even get to be the child's Wetnurse!"
If he were an evil sort of leader, I don't even want to know how he got his homies to grab their 'nines and come a-runin'.
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